THE UNION OF MARRIAGE

Text: Genesis 2:24 (read: Gen 2:15-24)
Readings: Matt 19:1-12, Deut 23:15-24:5
Theme: God instituted marriage as an intimate lifelong relationship between husband and wife.
Purpose: To direct us to the ideals of commitment and companionship in marriage. 

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There is a song that goes: 
"Love and marriage, love and marriage,
 go together like horse and carriage,
 You just ask your mother;
 You can't have one without the other;
 You just ask the gentry,
 They'll tell you, it's elementary."

These lines were written about 50 years ago, at a time when love and marriage did belong together, when they were directly and intimately connected. This is not so elementary or self-evident now. 

The number of marriages continues to decline. In 1971 in New Zealand there were 45 people married per 1000 people. 35 years later, in 2005, that had dropped to only 13 people married per 1000, and the trend is downwards.

Many factors contribute to this decline. One of these is a whole shift of thinking about marriage. A Listener article from 2001 wrote; "For younger generations - many of whom witnessed their parents divorcing - marriage, and the kind of long-term commitment it symbolises, are no longer givens.... Matrimony is out, but no one is sure what they are supposed to be doing instead." The writer imagines a conversation between a mother and her late 20's daughter. "You mean the goal posts have shifted?" asks the bewildered mother. 
The daughter replies, "No, I mean there aren't even any goalposts." The writer continues; "A seismic shift has undone marriage and we are standing in a crater. It's the great postmodern dream: limitless choices, endless insecurity."  (July 14 2001, p.30)

Now everyone is doing their own thing: de facto relationships, live-in arrangements, homosexual and lesbian liaisons, casual one night stands. The primary motive is that people want to be free of obligations and responsibilities. They want to live their own life and be happy! 

In the face of this large scale breakdown of marriage we need to go back to God's ideal for marriage, to his original intention. 
Marriage is not merely a social convenience which seems to work well, as some have suggested; nor it is the result of human evolution, as others have proposed. 
No, marriage was instituted by God for all of human society and history. It is a creation ordinance; part of the pattern or structure of the created world. God wants this to be the normal pattern for all men and women in all cultures and societies and periods of history. 

If we look at the context of this verse we see that in verse 18 God had said; "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." So the Lord created a fitting partner for him - a beautiful woman who would be a companion and friend to him. 

Then in verse 24 we read; "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." 
A man and a woman are joined in marriage because this is the way God has planned it; this is the way God made it. God created Eve for Adam, a woman for man. They were meant to be together. 

This is not Adam speaking in this verse. These are the words of God through Moses. Here the Lord God instituted marriage, he set it up, he ordained it. These foundational words on marriage are quoted three times in the New Testament: Twice by Jesus (Mark 10, Matt 19) and once by the Apostle Paul (Eph 5).
They describe a leaving, a cleaving and a union. 

1. This verse teaches us that marriage involves a LEAVING. 

"A man will leave his father and mother."
When a child is born the doctor will cut the umbilical cord. If the cord is not cut then that child will not grow into a healthy child physically.
That is also true when a child leaves home to marry. A young man must leave his parents emotionally to establish another emotional tie, another emotional bond, a new relationship. He must detach himself from his parents.

It does not mean that a young couple should cut their parents off, or abandon them.
It does not mean that they have to move to another city or to another country. 
But it does mean they have to establish a new relationship. When a many and woman marry they physically leave the homes of their parents and they loosen their emotional attachment to their parents to establish a new bond to their spouse.

This is especially true of the man, the husband. He needs to be independent of his parents so that he can support his wife spiritually and emotionally; because she will be dependant on him.

The word "leave" suggests a visible, clear and definite break. That is the value of the wedding ceremony. Usually the bride will come in with her father and she will leave with her husband. That is powerful and biblical symbolism. That is how it ought to be. There must be a clear leaving from both sets of parents. 

This means that parents must let their children go. 
The relationship between a parent and child is very strong. It is a biological relationship - one of flesh and blood. 
We look at the physical or social characteristics of children and we say, "It's in the genes - that height, those eyes, that voice!" This is a close tie, physically and emotionally. 

Of course parents and children will want to maintain a relationship together, and that is right and healthy. As children we need to honour our parents and listen to their advice and keep up contact with them. As parents we will want to assist our children and give them guidance and direction. All that is proper and helpful.

But it does great harm if parents do not let go of their children emotionally. We have all heard jokes about the newly married wife who runs home to her mum when trouble starts, and of the young married man who is still tied to his mother's apron strings. Behind those jokes is a serious warning: parents must not get in the way of this newly married couple. 
   
Another implication is that children must not be permitted to detract from a marriage. 
Our relationship as husband and wife is more important than our relationship with our children. 
One day your children will leave home. You will be together with just the two of you. What will you have in common? What will you talk about? What will you do together? 
If those questions scare you then you have some work to do! It is all too easy to concentrate so much on your children that you neglect your relationship with your spouse. Yet this relationship of husband and wife must take priority. 

Be sure you spend time together. Go out together sometimes without the children. Talk together. Communicate. Share a hobby or sport. Serve the Lord together. Keep building your marriage because it is the primary human relationship God has given us. 

2. This brings us naturally to consider, secondly, that marriage involves a CLEAVING.

The word used here refers to a very strong relationship. It means to cling to, to keep close to. The NIV reads "and be united to his wife"; the NASB reads "cleave to his wife".
It was used of Ruth who "clung to Naomi", and by the Psalmist in Psalm 119 who declared; "I have stuck to thy testimonies". 
In recent years people have developed some very strong glues that produce an unbreakable bond. That is the sense here: to be stuck to someone - in a good sense! - to be glued together.

This is what we promise in the vows of marriage: "I promise to be faithful to you as long as we both shall live." "Till death do us part", said the older version. 
Marriage vows are very solemn promises. You make a lifelong commitment to the other person. It is a solemn, oath-bound promise. 
Marriage is not a contract that allows you to pull out when the going gets tough. It is "for keeps". There is no back door. The only exceptions the Bible allows are adultery or desertion.

Winston Churchill was the Prime Minister of England during the second World War. London was under relentless bombing. Other cities and towns were badly damaged or destroyed. Thousands were killed. Some in England called on the government to surrender. Churchill would have none of that! Again and again he stated his philosophy; "Wars are not won by evacuations." Nor are marriages. Evacuation is not an option.

Young people, consider this as you think ahead to marriage. This is no light matter. You need to be thoroughly committed to your marriage, whatever happens. You need to be sure that this young lady, or this young man, is the one you want to live with for the rest of your life because marriage is a life long commitment. 

The promises of a husband and wife are the bottom line of the marriage relationship. 
Yes, love is a vital ingredient in a marriage, and a loveless marriage is a terrible situation. The Proverbs say that the earth trembles over "an unloved woman who is married" (Provs 30:21-23). But the foundation of marriage is not love, but commitment - a commitment to promises made you have made. 

There was a sign hanging in a jewellery store in Hollywood that read: "We rent wedding rings". That is amusing on the one hand, but tragic on the other. The frequent divorces of the Hollywood stars illustrate the superficial commitments of the rich and famous. 

The believer, however, is committed to his promises, and will follow through on her vows. Are you doing that? Are you commited to your spouse? Are you keeping your marriage promises?

It is this "cleaving" together in marriage that makes a marriage breakup so difficult. When you break apart wood that has been glued together it doesn't break cleanly on the glue line; no, it breaks into the wood on both sides - bits of wood come away. Many people have been through that experience, either in separation, or divorce, or death. It is not a clean break. Part of you is left behind. You carry part of the other with you. 
This is why the death of a spouse is so difficult for those who have been married for 40 or 50 years. 
Yet, difficult though that is, divorce is even more difficult; that is truly heart-breaking for the couple and all involved. 

Pray for the strength of will and character to remain faithful to your promises. Pray that others in the congregation who are married may be able to do the same. 

3. Marriage involves a leaving and a cleaving, with the purpose that the two will become ONE FLESH." 

This describes the intimate union of marriage. 
That includes the physical and sexual oneness of a husband and wife, but it is more than that. It is the entire union of two persons - emotionally, spiritually, socially, mentally.

This is not a uniformity where we become the same as the other. We will always be different because we are man and woman, male and female. 

Rather, this is the union of two different, distinct people into an intimate, close, rich companionship. Jesus emphasised this in Matthew 19:5 when he said; "and the two will become one flesh." Someone has described this as "matrimonial mathematics". This is what makes a marriage. It is a sharing of lives. It was not good for the man to be alone so God made him a companion, a friend for life. Are you working at that in your marriage?

The basis of a Christian marriage is a spiritual oneness. This is one union where a believer must not be joined with an unbeliever (1 Cor 6:14). For a Christian marriage to function properly you need to share the same faith in the Lord Jesus, to have the same theological convictions about the Bible, to worship in the same church. 

It is the closeness and richness of this bond that makes it a fitting picture of the relationship between Christ and his church. 
This is how the Apostle Paul describes marriage in Ephesians 5, where he draws a parallel between a husband and his wife and Christ and his church. The intimacy we have with the Lord Jesus ought to be reflected in the bond of marriage. 
Marriage is an intimate union, but your relationship with Jesus is even more important. 

That intimacy with Jesus is what keeps us going in singleness or separation or divorce or the death of a husband or wife. Even though others may forsake me God will never leave me (Ps 27:10)

A union like this in marriage takes a lot of work. Don't take your marriage for granted. The Song of Songs says that love is "as strong as death" (8:6). Yet, it is also like a flower. It is fragile and it needs nurturing and looking after. So keep working at your marriage; keep communicating; love one another; seek the help of Christ through his Spirit and show the fruit of the spirit to each other.

As you do this bear two things in mind. Here are two implications about the union of marriage. They may sound contradictory, but they are complementary. 

Don't expect too much from marriage. Remember that this is the union of two sinful people, you and your spouse. Both of you are selfish. Marriage won't be perfect. It won't all be blissful happiness. There are problems to resolve, clothing to pick up, dirty pots to wash, nappies to change, sick children to get up for at two in the mornning, jobs to go to, a home to clean. Your spouse will not always respond joyfully or positively to all these duties, nor will you. Don't expect a perfect partner or a perfect marriage or you will be disappointed!

On the other hand, expect a lot from marriage. Aim high. Go for gold. Strive for the best marriage you can have, for the best relationship you can achieve together with the help of the Lord.

Many people in our society have given up on marriage. They have removed the goalposts. They have made it an option for the fanatically faithful few.  

The Bible teaches us that God has ordained marriage for the intimate companionship of a husband and a wife; a companionship so rich and deep and full that it is a fitting picture of the relationship between Christ and his church.

It involves a definite leaving, a lifelong cleaving, and an intimate union of two people, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother, and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh."

Amen.